Life · Opinionated · Uncategorized

Boredom and how to get rid of it. No, seriously.

Are those people who lead monotonous lives boring? Is it always amazing, or ‘awesome’ to have something ‘happening’ going on in your life?

As I look forward to another weekend with nothing much to do apart from type furiously into my laptop, I wonder whether my 20’s shall be spent in solitude till one day my family gets annoyed of that existence and “marries me off”. Till then, how do I pass my time?

I decided to take the easy road – enroll for a course. Nah, one or two assignments were enough to make me realise that I value online courses more than the classroom stuff now. I am just not cut out for exams as they are boring and don’t pay. What else do I do?

I attended a couple of film screenings, went to parks alone, read books at a cafe. But I still got bored and started dwindling my thumbs. I may be moaning about a first world problem, but this is actually the case with many people of my generation today. Sometimes I wonder whether my friends got married out of pure boredom.

The point is – everything gets monotonous after a while. The job, the people, your partner, the house, the car, even Netflix. You can eat all the burgers you want, but you tire out of them too. You cook for a couple of days out of enthusiasm, but then you give it up because doing something cool everyday just takes the coolness quotient out of it. You even decided to try your hand at a new relationship, but lets face it – after you know a person too well, they become boring for you.

What explains this mass boredom of my generation? My parents were 25 once too, I am sure, but all they talk about back then was babies and responsibilities. The early fruition of so many problems never made people of my parent’s generation sit down and think about life-changing thoughts like what I am writing about right now. Hell yeah, I am sure my mother must have been concerned more about giving birth to me right now than having a boredom-related crisis.

It’s not easy living alone in a city, going to work and coming back to an empty house, living the same moronic life, every single day. Shopping occasionally brings some happiness, some men (don’t want to stereotype), idle their time away by waiting for the iPhone X to release. The point is – boredom is everywhere. How does one deal with it?

A colleague of mine once posed a question to me – if we have lived our life till now happily, but the existence ahead seems boring, long and dreadful, then why live it? What’s the point of living another 50 years in monotony?

Her question was tempting at that point of time, the answer even more tempting. But I am used to living life now, how do I end it? Plus religion and moral values come into play. Till 3 years ago, I used to tire myself by thinking about having a boyfriend. Now, that’s done too. What more? Not marriage, that’s boring too. Not alcohol, had enough of it already. Smoking? Isn’t the air of Delhi enough?

I understand that I am a privileged young woman posing existential crisis questions about 25 year olds working at MnCs who have nothing else to do with their life but complain. But, think of it. Aren’t we slowly becoming that western society whose individualism we despise as Indians? Economic independence has made everyone distant and by living alone, we do become self-centered to a certain level. The urban society of India is no different than a lonely life in New York City or London. How long before you Brooklyn bridge tires you out and London Bridge loses its sheen? I have lived in London, and started picking faults in the city the moment the weather turned bleak there. Now, I want to go back and live there someday, but the thought of living completely alone scares me.

I know I should be used to this boring, lonely life, but somehow I feel there’s a certain colour in it too. Think about it. You have the freedom and the choice to do whatever the fuck you want to. You can get up at 1 pm on weekends, give zero fucks about doing your laundry, go without shaving for a month and not be told off. I think its just a matter of perspective. Whenever I feel bored, I tell myself a very simple thing nowadays – will this day come back again? Maybe it won’t, so I might as well make the best of it. I am bored, but at least this boredom got me to think about something. Tomorrow, life might pass by in a flash without me even knowing it, and I won’t even get time to breathe. So till then, amigos, breathe free, for you never know – you might miss this existential crisis someday.

P.S – I honestly feel everybody who crosses their 20’s should be given a prize. Like, seriously.

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Life

To Birthdays, New Beginnings And More!

Heya you all,

So earlier this week, it was my birthday. The event I eagerly wait for all year. That one time of the year when I can behave like a queen and get treated like one. Only, this year, my birthday was just any other day of the year for me. Just another day, when I woke up, listened to some good music, chatted with some good people, ate good food and went back to sleep again. Just another, wonderful day.

Only, this year was more eventful than the others. Eventful in the sense that my best friend got drunk, pole danced the night through, got hit on by a creepy bartender. I did my bit by telling a man I am a lesbian to ward him off – not an advisable thing to do, and I request my homosexual friends to excuse me, as I was drunk (and also because it was my birthday).

Nevertheless, as the night ended and I drifted off to sleep, life stopped feeling so heavy anymore. Ever since the 3rd, I feel lightened, as if God took off a huge load from me and decided to shoulder it himself. I don’t know how many of you believe in God. But I know he is out there somewhere looking out for me. Otherwise, how can one explain the miraculous way that I have moved forward in life, leaving behind all bad memories and terrible experiences? I don’t know, all of a sudden, I feel like a new person, who has ended a journey and begun another one.

All of a sudden, I don’t expect anything anymore. I feel like life is working its magic and I just need to go with the flow. I woke up in the morning today and told myself, it may be Friday but it’s a work day, and your office is your karmbhoomi (place of worship), so go there and win the world. I worked with a lighter load today, but the day was so good. One of my colleagues praised me for my positive attitude and even said that I exude a lot of positive energy when I walk into office. It made me feel so good. I haven’t been told in a long time that I am a positive person and it made me believe in myself and believe that I can make other people happy around me.

I no longer want him to read my messages, call me or text me. If he wants to, he can. But I don’t have a mad urge anymore. I just want to live life normally and happily and embrace anything that comes with it. I don’t care what people think of me, as long as I love myself and the people that matter to me surround me. I feel free. Is this for real or am I living a dream?

I am writing this letter to you all in total earnest today. I don’t even have a structure in mind while typing this. I am just typing in free motion, letting my mind do the talking. Guess what, I did another incredible thing since my birthday ended. I totally immersed myself in a book and literally stuck onto its every page for half the night just to finish it. I haven’t done that in years. The last I did that, I was 21. After that, all reading was inhibited by the buzzing of the cell phone and social media updates.

I re-joined Instagram too. The fear of facing the truth on social media has also disappeared from my mind. Let people know everything. Even if they judge me, they aren’t living my life right? They aren’t living my fabulous life, which is full of so much happiness. Today, when I came back from office, I decided to do something different and finish a season of a tv show I have been watching for the past 2 weeks. I binge-watched How I Met Your Mother’s 9th season, cried uninhibitedly, felt every emotion freely, got some pizza and brownie and didn’t chide myself for it. I even exercised in guilt later, but at least I got to finish the 9th season!

And guess what, I loved it. I loved the original ending. I am fine with Ted not ending up with the mother, but that’s a story I will save for another day.

You know, the thought of him driving his car and buying a house doesn’t bother me anymore. Let him be happy. Materialistic things don’t bring me happiness. Knowledge does. Writing does. Love does. And I have all that. I am so happy.

I don’t know if God exists. But if he does, he’s given me so much happiness ever since my birthday ended. He didn’t even wish me, but it didn’t hurt at all. In fact, I don’t even care if he doesn’t. After all, birthday is just another day.

But this birthday was another day that just brightened up my present. And I am so thankful for everything that it has brought with it. I am even more thankful to you for reading this blog. Thank you for giving my writing a space in your heart.

I am no longer scared to feel, no longer scared to be happy. Bring it on life, I will give you all I’ve got and accept all you have to give me, with no expectation in return. I know whatever you give me will just shape me for the better. And you will make me capable enough of sustaining a partnership on truth, understanding and pure love. Bring it on life!

Much love,

An eternal perpetual dreamer

Life

काश एक बार…

तुम्हे खोकर जाना खोना किसे कहते है
पल पल तड़प कर जाना मरना किसे कहते है
गलती की सज़ा ये है की अब तुम साथ नही हो
अब ये भी पता है की तुम किसी और के साथ खुश हो
बस इतना लगता है की काश ज़िंदगी हमारे प्यार को दूसरा मौका दे देती
की मैं अपनी गलतियाँ सुधार सकती
पर गलतियों के पहाड़ को तोड़ना है मुश्किल
ना साथ रहने के चाह को बदलना है मुश्किल
अब खुश होती हूँ ये सोचकर की तुम्हे किसी और की बाहों में पनाह मिला
किसी और के साथ वो मुकम्मल जहाँ मिला
बस यही सोचती हूँ रोज़ की तुम खुश हो की नही
प्रार्थना करती हूँ की खुश तो होंगे ही ज़रूर
अब बस यही लगता है की तुमसे बात न बनी तो किसी और से ना बन पाएगी
प्यार खोकर जाना प्यार कहते किसे है…
काश तुम एक बार मुड़कर मेरी तरफ देखते
काश हम एक बार पुरानी बातें भुला देते
पर अब बस काश ही बोलती रहूंगी
क्यूंकी अब ना नसीब होगी मुझे तुम्हारी मुहब्बत या नफ़रत
अब पता है की तुम्हारे अंदर मेरे लिए कोई भावनायें नही
होंगी भी कैसे, मैं हूँ ही ऐसी बला
जिसे छोड़कर तुम आज खुश हो
बस यही बोलती हू भगवान को रोज़ की मैने गलतियाँ मान ली है
पर पता है अब सुधारने का मौका नही मिलेगा…
रोज़ कोशिश करती हूँ तुम्हे भूलने की ताकि तुम खुश रहो
पर प्यार को भूलना मुश्किल ही नही
नामुमकिन है,
अब बस तुम्हारे उस खत का इंतेज़ार है
जिसमें तुम मुझे अपनी शादी में बुलवाओ
ताकि मैं आकर तुम्हे खुशियों की बधाई दे सकूँ
क्यूंकी तुम्हारी खुशियाँ बस चाहिए अब मुझे
मुझे अपने अंदर के शैतान को किसी और को ना दिखाना
किसी और को दर्द नही देना
ना किसी और के साथ ग़लतियाँ करनी
क्यूंकी तुम्हारे साथ बात नही बनी
तो किसी के साथ नही बनेगी…
तुम्हारे सामने खुश होने का नाटक करूँगी
ताकि तुम मुझे भूल जाओ और खुश रहो
तुम्हे अब ना कॉल ना message करूँगी
मेरी मनहूस शकल से भी तुम्हे घिन आती है, ये पता है
अब तुमसे ना कोई चाह ना गिला
बस अपने आप को रोज़ बोलती हूँ
की काश प्यार को पहले समझा होता
तो शायद आज तुम्हारे बिना जीना नही पड़ता
शायद पहले ये समझा होता की प्यार में कोई समझौता नही होता
तो शायद इस दिन को ना गले लगाना पड़ता…
अब भगवान से बस यही माँगूंगी
की अगले जनम हम साथ हो
मैं तुम्हारे साथ जियुं और तुम्हारे बाद मरूं
क्यूंकी सच कहूँ
तुम्हारे बिना जीना बहुत मुश्किल है…
काश ज़िंदगी ने हमारे प्यार को एक और मौका दिया होता
काश मैने अपने आप को रोका होता
काश ये दिन ना आता
काश मैं जी पाती तुम्हारे बिना
अब बस मरने की देर है
तुम्हारे बिना साँस लेती हूँ पर अपने आप से घिन है
जी तो लूँगी मैं अकेले
क्यूंकी अब बस अगले जनम का इंतेज़ार है
जब हम सच में साथ हो और ये गलतियों का पहाड़ ना हो
इस जनम से अगले जनम में ज़्यादा वक़्त नही
८० साल तो बस समय है, ज़िंदगी नही…

Indian Woman's Musings · Life

If you feel you suffer from a mental health issue, then read this

For the last 2 years, I have been an out-and-out supporter of mental health issues. I have been open to talking about my depression and more than eager to embrace happiness. Mental health is sometimes more important than physical health, because what you’re thinking is capable of controlling how you feel physically too. Mental health issues such as anxiety and depression are common terms I have come across in my generation. Many of them are related to our upbringing, and many of them are related to the circumstances we face.

I always looked at myself as a strong person, but certain struggles, which I felt were unnecessary, changed my outlook on life. An existential crisis enveloped me and I started being untrustworthy of people and situations. Over the last two months, I decided to take stock of my life and understand why depression is what it is and how I can get rid of it.

And to be honest, I have realised that it’s extremely easy to get rid of this big black dog which we carry around.

Nowadays, before I kick-start my mornings, the first thing I do is show gratitude. I thank God for giving me another day to live, and I look at myself in the mirror and say – You’re going to have an amazing day. And guess what, the first half passes in utmost happiness!

Another thing I have realised is that honing our concentration also helps get rid of depression. For example, when I feel low or upset about something during the course of the day, I listen to some videos of Abraham Hicks (check her out- she’s amazing). I let her thoughts envelop me, and then I implement them by thinking about the good things of life. In fact, whenever I feel upset about a particular person, I take out a notepad and write down 10 qualities I appreciate about them. It makes the anger vanish instantly.

People who are depressed are wonderful people, for they are capable of showering love on everyone. But, we need to realise that we have to compartmentalise our love.

Only those people who matter to us should be capable of taking our mindspace.

Try a simple exercise which I do nowadays – Whenever you get a ping from someone, check who has sent it. If it’s someone who matters to you, reply instantly. If not, they can wait. This trick has made me single out my happy people and give them space and time. It keeps me surrounded by those who love and adore me, and it’s okay to be selfish sometimes!

Another thing I have learnt to do in these two months is stop seeking validation from everyone. Trying to keep everyone happy is simply a recipe for disaster. You don’t have to keep everyone happy – You just need to love yourself and you will automatically attract people who love and adore you. If you don’t like the company of a particular person, don’t hang out with them. If you’re alone, you can always ping your best friend – they are your ‘best’ friend because they chose to be the closest to you. So cherish their presence and forget all those who don’t matter to you.

As a last thought, all I would like to say is – erase all bad memories from your head. They are part and matter of the past and it’s unnecessary to let those thoughts stay in your head and continue to hurt you. You deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. Start today by closing your eyes and relaxing. Don’t be scared to tell people you are depressed – if someone judges you, they don’t deserve your mind-space because they can never put themselves in your shoes and feel what you have felt. And that’s OK.

You don’t have to run in a rat race, you don’t have to earn insane amounts of money to stay happy – you just need to be at peace with yourself, and you will see that everything is slowly falling into place and that big black dog of depression has left you forever.

Indian Woman's Musings · Life

You’re Never With The ‘Right’ Person. You Just Become Right For Each Other

Some questions I frequently see my friends ask, are – Am I with the right person? Is he perfect for me? Are we made for each other?

Honestly, while the questions may be perfect, the answers never are. I am no pro at relationships, but from what I have understood about life is – you are never in a “perfect” situation. You just have to think you are. Eventually, you become ‘perfect’ for each other.

We are all on our respective journey of self-discovery, and it takes time to learn things and become sensible. If you have followed my blog previously, you will see that I have gone from depressed to angry, to disillusioned to meditative. That’s part and parcel of being human. And that’s partly the answer to this question about who’s perfect for you – honestly, no one is. No one can insert a square peg into a round hole. Especially when you’re changing as a person every single day.

Relationships
Image source: Huffington Post

As I said before, I am no pro at relationships. But there are some fundamental things I have learnt which I would like to share, so that you can stop asking yourself questions and start living the answers 🙂

  1. Understand your partner

We all are rational and we do every thing with a thought attached to it. No one does anything ‘stupid’, there’s always a reason to it. If your partner ever leaves you, it’s not because he wants to leave you. It’s because he has a reason for it. Try and understand your partner. He/She will eventually understand you. There’s no perfect law for a balanced relationship, but a calm mind which understands before taking action always wins.

Don’t hate your partner, in fact, try and see small signs of love which will calm your mind. Slowly, but steadily, you will learn to appreciate your partner for all their good qualities, understand them better, and in turn, help them understand you.

If you are ever angry at your partner, try and understand their action. Until and unless they are harming you, it’s never a bad idea to understand and let go, isn’t it? Take time off, breathe, think. You will understand your partner better and appreciate them for who they are, instead of chiding them for not being who you want them to be.

2. Let opinions thrive

It’s always a good thing if your partner has opinions. It’s even better when they stand by them. That way, you know you’re dating someone sensible, and not a rock. Have discussions with your partner on their opinions, but don’t fight. Always remember that it’s good that your partner has a thought process. Try to imagine dating someone without one. How would you feel if that partner always said ‘Yes Sir’ or ‘Yes Ma’am’ to everything? Not that exciting, right?

3. Learn to let go

We all make mistakes in a relationship. Multiple mistakes make us feel that the person is not ‘right’ for us. The easiest thing is to let go. It’s also the toughest thing, especially if you feel that your partner has wronged you. But, always retrospect and think – if my partner is that bad, why am I with them? If the answer isn’t something concrete, then let go of the mistakes.

Another mistake we generally tend to make is letting other people and their opinions create dark clouds in the relationship. Learn to completely trust your partner and let go of what others say. This way, the only people in the relationship will be you two, and your habit of letting go will just make the relationship simpler for you.

4. You can face problems if you are together

A common mistake we make in relationships is to think that our partner won’t stand up for us, or won’t take care of us. Don’t place the onus of your happiness completely on someone. Remember, problems will arise but you can only fight them if things between you two are on good terms. Fight with your partner, and you will just fight even more when problems arise – and it will make fighting against problems harder!

5. Always be open to things

While it is necessary to be particular about your choices, always be open to possibilities. If your partner has an idea for something, don’t shut it down because it doesn’t fit with your mindset. Let those ideas and thoughts thrive. You need to always remember that those who genuinely love their partners would always want to see them happy. Then why fight over a small idea? The future is not written – we write it. And you can only write your future with your partner if he/she is happy in your company.

This doesn’t mean the onus to make a relationship work is completely on you. Your partner too needs to realise your worth to make your relationship work. However, if implemented, these thought processes will benefit you, not harm you or make you any weaker. Every one of us out there is looking for a loved one, and it’s nice to make some room for them without standing all by yourself, isn’t it?

P.S – These are not gold standards. These are just things I have learnt from my experience. If you have any other thoughts, please do share. It’s always lovely to have others add to the beauty we have in life and share their learnings! 🙂

Life

Why Love, And Only Love Is The Solution For Endless Happiness

Around a month ago, I was distraught. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I was confused in both my professional and personal life. Giving life mixed signals really didn’t help. Somehow, the love I exuded from myself had disappeared and only a void and anger remained.

So, I decided to retrospect. Where did I go wrong? How did I get here? Can I fix this?

Life is simple and beautiful. But we complicate life with the thought that it is hard. True, there are many social and emotional problems out there, but do we need to think hard about them before they even happen to us? Not really.

A good friend of mine suggested I turn to self-help books. To be honest, I thought they were bullshit for the longest time. But what I have understood from embracing them is that if implemented, you can truly look at life differently.

For example, does it often happen to you that you feel extreme anger towards someone? Have you ever tried giving that person love instead of reciprocating with anger?

Love is the strongest emotion living beings have. Love is the reason we are alive, love is the reason most people live in peace and tandem with each other. But, love is misconstrued by many for being a weak emotion. In fact, if you love something or someone, it doesn’t make you weak – it makes you stronger. However, you need to learn to channelise this love. I am sharing some thoughts with you on channelling your positivity, and I hope this can help you the same way it helped me!

good thoughts

  1. Occupy your mind

Our mind is a tricky thing. Left alone, it always stirs up some thought or the other. For those whose mind wanders more than it should, negative thoughts are always a constant presence. This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Your experiences have just made you more hostile and apprehensive and these appear in your thoughts. You tend to take almost everything around you really seriously, even something as simple as a joke. You tend to think a LOT, even when you’re trying hard to work on something. Don’t worry, this is easily solvable.

Occupy your mind. Fill it with love, for everything and everyone. It sounds impossible, but it isn’t, actually. Make a list of the things you love, the things you are thankful for. Look at that list daily, occupy your mind with those thoughts whenever it wanders. Do only those things which make you happy, even if it’s something as “mundane” as eating your favourite food. If the mind is happy, the body will automatically show the result.

o-HAPPINESS-facebook-1

       2. Figure out what you want

Life flows, and so do we. We mostly don’t take out time for ourselves in the journey of life and when we do, it’s not to think about ourselves, it’s to occupy ourselves so that we don’t get bored. But it’s necessary to figure out what you want, so that you set your priorities straight.

By this exercise, I don’t mean you should figure out your entire life and its existence. You should rather figure out which emotions you constantly want by your side.

If your answer is happiness – then the simplest solution to that is to take each day as it passes. Don’t think about the future or the consequences of your actions, just live in the present and let the future shape up for you. Wake up every morning and tell yourself that you will have a great life. Look at the people around you and give them only love. If someone is harsh towards you, or says things you don’t like to hear, don’t give them the same treatment back. You will simply attract more negativity to yourself. Rather, practice compassion and let the person who was harsh to you feel your positivity and lead a better life too. Slowly, you will see your anger evaporating too.

Choose-positive

       3. Stop expecting

Ever shouted at your parents for forgetting to bring something for you from the market? Ever made your partner feel guilty for not doing something for you? Trust me, I have been there and it’s completely normal. We tend to expect certain things from the people close to us, be it friends or family, and it’s absolutely frustrating when they “disappoint” us.

Do a task – take a look at the people around you who are leading an “amazing” life. What are they doing correctly that you aren’t? You will see that they love themselves. They are not selfish – they just expect happiness from themselves, not anyone else.

Your mind is yours – only you can decide whether it can be happy or sad. Expect only the best for your mind and treat all events around you as of little consequence to you. Even if your brother doesn’t show up for your birthday, all is well – you got a cake and your friends wished you. What more can one possibly want?

Be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t. If you see someone travelling, don’t expect the same from your life. Instead, learn to appreciate the one who is travelling and wish them love. You never know, your head might calm down and plan a trip for you soon!

HappyPeopleThankful

       4. Learn to love your own company

Most of us fail to love ourselves in this journey to love others. It’s quite common – we are taught to love and respect our parents and siblings, but no one ever tells us that we should love ourselves too. People with low-confidence are usually the worst-hit – they undermine themselves and always tend to think something is wrong with them.

I know weekends are dreadful especially if your friends are busy. Loneliness is scary for it exposes you to your biggest reality – the fact that you just CAN’T live alone. But, have you ever decided to give yourself some time and see how that pans out? Ever woken up early on a weekend and told yourself – that today is going to be a great day? Ever tried to dabble at a new thing or tried to hone some skills you probably never would have done had you been busy?

Your own company is your biggest treasure. If you read, then you can read motivational books or stuff on meditation. If you don’t like reading, you can always meditate. Try and focus your mind on one thing – see if you can just concentrate on that for an hour. It’s a great exercise – makes time fly. Try and tell yourself before you sit to do something – my concentration won’t waver when I do this. And it doesn’t! I am saying this with confidence because I did this before I wrote this piece!

Once you have done all this – do this again. Take some time off to heal and become a more positive person. A little positivity did no one harm. Once your mind is calm and your soul is positive, no pain or suffering can make you go back on that road of negativity. Always remember to be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t – and you will start to see that your life is actually really amazing! If negative thoughts hit you – always suppress them with good thoughts. Take out that list you made of the things you love and are grateful for. Look at it again and again.

P.S – try and avoid words like bad, annoying, upsetting for some time. Improve your vocabulary to include words like awesome and amazing. For example, “How was your day?” It was absolutely amazing! 🙂

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Indian Woman's Musings · Life

Yes, all we’re looking for is love from someone else

It’s Valentine’s day, that we all know. A day to celebrate love, get angry at the concept of love or just let life flow without any thought about the “significance” of the day. I, like many others, have decided to spend this day at home. Randomly musing after many-a-fortnight, I decided to pen my thoughts on love.

Love is a difficult emotion. For the longest time, I thought it was something selfless, a feeling where you can lose your heart (and maybe soul) to one person, who comes to mean the whole world to you. Gradually, I understood it was more my maternal instinct speaking than really “love”. Mothers unconditionally “love” their children. That can be called “love”. But, what is this “other” love that the world just seems to be so obsessed about?

Going through social media feed is a pain, for seeing photos of couples either with engagement rings or marriage certificates with the hashtag #love or #loveyouforever doesn’t make any sense to me. How can a personal emotion be so easily quantifiable? I tried to understand my dilemma through films. Maybe popular culture could quantify love for me in some way.

So, I went to watch La La Land. This year’s most iconic movie, tied with Titanic for the maximum number of oscars (14) and apparently the best musical ever made (contentious). Having seen it the first time with a Marvel-lover engineer friend, the experience didn’t quite leave an impact on me. So this time, I went with my PhD in Sociology friend. Hopefully her deep insights into human society could help.

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Halfway through the movie, I felt nothing. I understood why Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling were attracted to each other, but I couldn’t bring the word “love” to my lips. Maybe I am just a noob who needs time to understand – but I really want to – how does one know that they are in love?

Love and relationships seem to be antithetical to each other. Love wants to be selfless, relationships are meant to be selfish. Why would we want to be with someone unless they always make us happy? Selflessness might bring misery, for no one’s perfect. Then, by that logic, the “love” in a relationship isn’t selfless, right?

Society defines love as a gust of wind that blows you off your feet, sends you into a parallel universe where everything is perfect and nothing can harm you. Then why are relationships facing boring questions like who’s paying the rent this time around, and why the hell should I cook for you?

Love has always been a utopia for people, and artists have just taken this insecurity as an opportunity to gain traction for their creativity. Films like La La Land or Titanic get made because we want to believe that there is that someone out there with whom we will have an epic relationship, something that came like a blast and stuck like a glue.

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Romance in the modern day world faces tougher questions than ever before. Now, relationships don’t embody compromise, adjustment. We have big dreams and many-a-times relationships don’t fit into them. I have woken up many mornings when I have wondered whether my ambition will keep me lonely for the rest of my life. For I am ready to move to any place for a good job, but will my love move with me everywhere?

Modern-day relationships are more about finding yourself, rather than finding ourselves. Between 20 to 25, I have seen myself change every year, change my taste every year. My struggles defined me, but they also made me change my mood, my way of thinking. Imagine a movie on this. How will such a girl find “love”? Her dilemmas are enough to drive people away. But that is reality. When critics scream for “realistic” cinema, do they realise that if their demand is fulfilled, a morbid cinema might just make them flinch and change their profession altogether?

On a lighter note, lets not trash love altogether. Lets stop defining it for a change. If you’re in love, love it. But try understanding it first. For you may not realize it, sometimes, all you are looking for is love from someone else, but it first has to come from you.

On a happier note: Happy Valentine’s day folks. Those who took out time to read this story, here’s a gift for you: