I know I have been away for over a year. I didn’t mean to be away for this long. Many things have happened over the past year, some of which were good, some weren’t. I guess that’s life. You get some, you lose some.
I refrained from writing here for a while as I was scared of how I would be perceived if I bared my emotions out here again. My career is finally taking off and I got concerned that potential employers or colleagues could check out my blog and classify me as “crazy” for battling depression and anxiety.
But, I know I am not alone in feeling this way. There are many of us out there who feel this way. Today, I’ll share with you my thoughts on dealing with the gaping hole in our existence.
When I started baring my soul to people around me last year, I found a lot of support at first, but then realized people had started talking behind my back. Some comments like, “she’s nice but can crack anytime” particularly riled me up. I went to work thinking people were scared of me. It’s not common for people to talk about depression and anxiety because when we are judged, it makes things worse for us.
Sadly, mental health is still treated as something to “snap out of” in our societies. People find it hard to fathom mental health. Many wonder how someone like me, who grew up in a loving family, got several opportunities, never had to worry about food on her plate, could deal with crippling anxiety.
The answer to that, my friend, is that everyone’s brain is wired differently. We all deal with trauma in different ways. I am the kind of person who doesn’t shed a tear when I see blood, I don’t shake at all when I have to take someone to the hospital for a check up or an operation. In fact, during this pandemic, I covered stories in hotspots without blinking an eye.
However, what people think about me affects me. I am particularly affected by the opinion of people I consider close to me. I am scared that people think I am crazy or that I have anger issues, just because I am vocal about my thoughts. This isn’t a bad thing to know, honestly. It means I know myself well now. I know what can hurt me. I know what I have to fight.
You have to fight this gaping hole by knowing exactly what hurts you. The most powerful person in the world is the person who knows what can hurt them. Nowadays, when I am hurt by someone’s opinion, I ponder on it for a day, and then tell myself – what has this person’s opinion taken away from my life? Nothing. Yes, I am being judged for expressing my opinion and feelings. But I know my feelings give so many people hope and life. I can never take that away from them.
I know you are listening to me, and my voice matters to you. Your voice matters to me, too. Please, never let the world bog you down.
I had a difficult time professionally the past year, because of some passive aggressive managers and colleagues. I left that place once I realized that their behavior stemmed from their insecurities. However, I made the mistake of bottling up my emotions because of an abusive workplace.
I urge you to not do that. I am back here because I love my blog, I love talking about things that matter to me. If you were in your shell all this while, do come out. Please talk about your emotions. Maybe one person won’t listen to you, but hundreds of others will.
These are difficult times and many of us have been affected adversely by the pandemic. At this time, it is even more essential to talk about mental health.
There are many of us out there waiting to give you a big hug, you star.