Life

Dear Ex, today I end my pain. Goodbye.

Dear ex,

I still remember you. I remember everything about you. Your face keeps flashing in front of my eyes every now and then. But then, I remember how you broke my trust, manipulated me, hurt me and then put the blame on me so that you could appear good in front of the world. You were my life’s biggest mistake and learning lesson.

Today, I am no longer the same person. I don’t talk much, I think before speaking. Unbelievable for you, right? I find it hard to trust people too. I always feel like I am being pushed around, which makes me go into a shell. I no longer want to be manipulated into believing someone loves me, when all they want is their own gain.

Remember that time when you convinced me to move closer to you away from my flat in Delhi, placing the onus on the job, rather than your own selfish motives? I can see through it all now. But it’s more than 2 years since that realisation hit me, and it makes me feel so, so stupid for not being able to see through your manipulation.

Why did you have to manipulate me when you knew I loved you? You forced reactions from me in many situations to justify to yourself your decision for leaving me. Today, when you suffer, I feel no hurt for you. I just feel a sense of satisfaction. For God did what I couldn’t – punish you. I hope your life is ruined to the extent you ruined mine. You took away three beautiful years from my life, changed me, pushed me into a corner, made me untrusting of all men around me. And made me realise that I am probably quite stupid too.

After you left, I kept pushing myself to learn new things, for I thought that if I change myself, become digitally dexterous, the next guy I date will love me for my knowledge and not make me feel like shit for not knowing about some coding languages or having good skills that fetch money in the market. You were a terrible influence on me, and it’s taken me 1.5 years to get rid of that, and I think it will still take many more years to finally grow into a confident woman and outgrow your stench.

The irony of everything is – I still remember you and wish we could have worked things out. But then my mind gets in between and makes me realise that we could have never made things work out because there was a fundamental difference between us – I was honest and you were always dishonest. Everything you said and did was a lie. You were always a liar, a cheat and an abuser. You were only with me till you found a better option. You did find a “better” option. And she left you too. If she really loved you sweetie, she would have stuck with you during your current situation of distress. But you will never realise that I was the only person who actually did love you, will you?

All I can hope for is that you do regret all the wrongs you did to me. I have nothing more left to say to you. I have realised who you really are. The problem was NEVER with me. It was ALWAYS with you. You were a dominating little prick, who liked playing people with a calm mind. You were ruthless, unbearably pretentious and definitely lacked class. I am sorry to say, but I deserve better.

I know God is out there with his hand on my head. Which is why I can today pen this truth about you, while you languish away in a corner of the world wondering how you ruined your life. Good luck for everything, for a life without love, ambition and honesty. Today is my last day of pain. After this I am free. FREE.

Yours truly,

your better off “ex”

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