I’ll be honest with all of you. I have refrained from writing for the past six months as I had been spending it in deep reflection of my character traits. I was trying to reform whatever was “wrong” with me, focusing on being happy and trying to channelise my energies in the right direction. Around this time, last year, someone terrible had done something horrific to me, which has taken me over a year to get over.
A friend of mine had told me this time last year, “why do women feel something is wrong with them when they go through a break-up?”. I had felt those same emotions, when a man decided to take matters in his hands and tell me that we couldn’t work things out because we weren’t “compatible”. I spent months trying to figure out how I could “fix” things and get back together with him, but each time I tried to reform myself, he behaved in a worse manner with me, in one instance, even going to the extent of threatening me. (I even penned a poem for him, wondering if I could ever work out things with someone else, because he had made me believe that something was wrong with me).
Today, I am going to speak up about abuse and I am going to tell you what was not (and never) wrong with me. The past year has taught me that nothing was wrong with me, but that everything was wrong with HIM. He was a narcissist, and it took me 4 years of abuse to finally realise it. Never believe someone when they tell you that you have a problem. I believe we all have our demons, but if the person in front feels that he’s “picture perfect” and you’re the one with all the problems, then that’s the time to run away from that relationship as far away as possible.
The man I unfortunately loved abused me to the extent of driving me insane. He made me believe I have anger issues, and I can’t hang out with other people properly. He made me question my social skills, even my value to the society because I wasn’t as “smart” as him. He used to chide me for not being “respectful” enough towards his friends and even told me once that I am capable of holding a grudge against anybody because that’s my nature. All the time, he made sure that I could not say anything in return because according to him, ‘he was calm, and I was too emotional to handle’. Yes, he was calm, especially when he was abusive. He never shed a tear for when he hurt me, his eyes were always quite hollow. So I guess, he was quite a calm person. Perfect to be a serial killer.
Today, when my friends hug me for being myself, and people in office want to hang out with me for who I am, I doubt myself. I think they will probably see some bad side of mine and run away. But I have come to terms with the fact that I was a victim of narcissist abuse for years, which is why I now doubt myself. I will take time to heal, but when I do, I am sure I will be so strong that no one can ever make me doubt myself. I am glad I got rid of him and his circle of narcissistic friends, who made life harder for me by abusing me further when he dumped me, because hey ladies, when one guy abuses you, the others have the right to be shit to you too?!
I have wanted the best for people and I genuinely don’t hold malice against people. But, today when I see that man suffering, I feel so, so happy. I want to tell the Universe to punish him more. For every time he physically hurt me, he should receive that pain. For every time he told me something was wrong with me, his faults should be detailed to him by the world. And I know the Universe is listening to me, because today that man is suffering for a terrible deed he has done. And I didn’t even need to do anything to make him suffer. The Universe took care of it. Today, people don’t want to be associated with him, and his friends are chilling as if nothing happened. Hey, the same friends who once stood up for him and said that he was “sensible” for abusing me.
I hope your suffering goes on. You’re a terrible person who doesn’t deserve to be with anybody. You’re dominating, narcissistic, greedy and abusive. I don’t think I would ever want another woman to face what I did. I know you view women just as an object of lust and I want the world to know that.
I wonder how a woman like me, who’s strong headed and has an opinion, became a victim of abuse. But abuse can happen to anybody. Just because I speak my mind, doesn’t mean I can’t be abused. For years, I couldn’t walk away from an abusive man, who treated me like shit, dumped me whenever he wanted to, and came back whenever he wanted to. I feel terrible that I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. But whenever I did, he used to beg me to stay around. He begged so hard, it sometimes made me believe that he loved me. To be honest, it’s tough to walk away from someone you have known for so long and especially when they make you believe that if you reform yourself, everything will get better. Sometimes, you don’t see the cracks, even if the world does. It only takes pain and insult to see the reality and lift the veil of stupidity from your face. I spent many years smiling through the pain and now I wonder, I could have saved myself so many years of utter nonsense that I didn’t deserve to endure!
I hope you’re reading this right now and your blood is boiling. But I know that the world will now listen to me, and not you. You thought that just because you had money, everyone would flock to you. Look what happened. You know how you’ve destroyed your life and trust me, no one’s happier than me.
I know I shouldn’t gloat on someone’s distress, but sometimes, you need to get revenge. You can’t seek it yourself, but when you get it, you feel really good. I feel so glad that I got out of your life and I am not suffering as collateral damage for your sins.
I want all girls out there to know that if he ever tells you that you’re not worth it, then leave him. You deserve better. If he tells you that you both weren’t compatible (especially after he’s met your parents and technically made it official), give him a slap on the face and never, ever look back. If he tells you he’s found someone he’s given his heart and soul to and he can’t share his heart with you anymore (just weeks after breaking up with you), laugh on his face, show him the middle finger, and walk away. If he ever talks shit about your family and then chides you for getting angry at him, kick him in the balls. Also, if he behaves like shit with you, especially in front of other people, and then sends you an SMS to apologise because he just doesn’t believe in saying sorry in person, you really, really need to FORGET and become indifferent to such a person. He basically gloats from your distress and gets happiness from your misery and such people don’t deserve your attention. You’re too beautiful to associate yourself with such a monster.
Do all the things I didn’t do, and your life will be so much better. It’s better to die single than to be stuck with an abusive bastard who doesn’t value you. Such men are basically the worst segment of the society, and deserve to die alone. And they will, don’t worry.
If you’ve ever been abused, don’t be afraid to speak out. Today, I feel proud when I meet another man and I can honestly tell him what I have been through. I am not scared of what he will think of me. I know what I have been through and I am confident it won’t happen again. Because I won’t let it happen. This time, I will choose wisely.
Also, ladies, red flag – if he ever tells you that his mother never found fault in him – run away as far as possible. The man has a false sense of manhood and superiority and probably is a narcissist if you scratch the surface. He will not only ruin your mental peace and life, but also project you as the villain in the relationship. Because, ladies, his mother never found fault in him! So no one else can!
And if you ever do find fault in him, he will very smartly pretend to be all nice in front of other people and incite you into saying something so that others see that you’re the villain in the relationship, not him. Makes it easier for him to dump you (my dearest ex abuser, you think I didn’t notice that? I did, and I am so glad that now no self-respecting woman will ever want to be with you. Your tactics are out there for the world to see now).
P.S – I am doing a favour to you by not disclosing your name to the world. Be happy about that. I wish you the best for your life, which you have ruined anyway, so I guess not much is left of it now.
To end by quoting Taylor Swift:
“the world moves on, another drama, but all I need, all I can think about is Karma. Maybe one thing is for sure, maybe I got mine but you’ll all get yours“.
You already did. And it’s the happiest day of my life. __|__