Heya you all,
So earlier this week, it was my birthday. The event I eagerly wait for all year. That one time of the year when I can behave like a queen and get treated like one. Only, this year, my birthday was just any other day of the year for me. Just another day, when I woke up, listened to some good music, chatted with some good people, ate good food and went back to sleep again. Just another, wonderful day.
Only, this year was more eventful than the others. Eventful in the sense that my best friend got drunk, pole danced the night through, got hit on by a creepy bartender. I did my bit by telling a man I am a lesbian to ward him off – not an advisable thing to do, and I request my homosexual friends to excuse me, as I was drunk (and also because it was my birthday).
Nevertheless, as the night ended and I drifted off to sleep, life stopped feeling so heavy anymore. Ever since the 3rd, I feel lightened, as if God took off a huge load from me and decided to shoulder it himself. I don’t know how many of you believe in God. But I know he is out there somewhere looking out for me. Otherwise, how can one explain the miraculous way that I have moved forward in life, leaving behind all bad memories and terrible experiences? I don’t know, all of a sudden, I feel like a new person, who has ended a journey and begun another one.
All of a sudden, I don’t expect anything anymore. I feel like life is working its magic and I just need to go with the flow. I woke up in the morning today and told myself, it may be Friday but it’s a work day, and your office is your karmbhoomi (place of worship), so go there and win the world. I worked with a lighter load today, but the day was so good. One of my colleagues praised me for my positive attitude and even said that I exude a lot of positive energy when I walk into office. It made me feel so good. I haven’t been told in a long time that I am a positive person and it made me believe in myself and believe that I can make other people happy around me.
I no longer want him to read my messages, call me or text me. If he wants to, he can. But I don’t have a mad urge anymore. I just want to live life normally and happily and embrace anything that comes with it. I don’t care what people think of me, as long as I love myself and the people that matter to me surround me. I feel free. Is this for real or am I living a dream?
I am writing this letter to you all in total earnest today. I don’t even have a structure in mind while typing this. I am just typing in free motion, letting my mind do the talking. Guess what, I did another incredible thing since my birthday ended. I totally immersed myself in a book and literally stuck onto its every page for half the night just to finish it. I haven’t done that in years. The last I did that, I was 21. After that, all reading was inhibited by the buzzing of the cell phone and social media updates.
I re-joined Instagram too. The fear of facing the truth on social media has also disappeared from my mind. Let people know everything. Even if they judge me, they aren’t living my life right? They aren’t living my fabulous life, which is full of so much happiness. Today, when I came back from office, I decided to do something different and finish a season of a tv show I have been watching for the past 2 weeks. I binge-watched How I Met Your Mother’s 9th season, cried uninhibitedly, felt every emotion freely, got some pizza and brownie and didn’t chide myself for it. I even exercised in guilt later, but at least I got to finish the 9th season!
And guess what, I loved it. I loved the original ending. I am fine with Ted not ending up with the mother, but that’s a story I will save for another day.
You know, the thought of him driving his car and buying a house doesn’t bother me anymore. Let him be happy. Materialistic things don’t bring me happiness. Knowledge does. Writing does. Love does. And I have all that. I am so happy.
I don’t know if God exists. But if he does, he’s given me so much happiness ever since my birthday ended. He didn’t even wish me, but it didn’t hurt at all. In fact, I don’t even care if he doesn’t. After all, birthday is just another day.
But this birthday was another day that just brightened up my present. And I am so thankful for everything that it has brought with it. I am even more thankful to you for reading this blog. Thank you for giving my writing a space in your heart.
I am no longer scared to feel, no longer scared to be happy. Bring it on life, I will give you all I’ve got and accept all you have to give me, with no expectation in return. I know whatever you give me will just shape me for the better. And you will make me capable enough of sustaining a partnership on truth, understanding and pure love. Bring it on life!
An eternal perpetual dreamer