Around a month ago, I was distraught. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I was confused in both my professional and personal life. Giving life mixed signals really didn’t help. Somehow, the love I exuded from myself had disappeared and only a void and anger remained.
So, I decided to retrospect. Where did I go wrong? How did I get here? Can I fix this?
Life is simple and beautiful. But we complicate life with the thought that it is hard. True, there are many social and emotional problems out there, but do we need to think hard about them before they even happen to us? Not really.
A good friend of mine suggested I turn to self-help books. To be honest, I thought they were bullshit for the longest time. But what I have understood from embracing them is that if implemented, you can truly look at life differently.
For example, does it often happen to you that you feel extreme anger towards someone? Have you ever tried giving that person love instead of reciprocating with anger?
Love is the strongest emotion living beings have. Love is the reason we are alive, love is the reason most people live in peace and tandem with each other. But, love is misconstrued by many for being a weak emotion. In fact, if you love something or someone, it doesn’t make you weak – it makes you stronger. However, you need to learn to channelise this love. I am sharing some thoughts with you on channelling your positivity, and I hope this can help you the same way it helped me!
- Occupy your mind
Our mind is a tricky thing. Left alone, it always stirs up some thought or the other. For those whose mind wanders more than it should, negative thoughts are always a constant presence. This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Your experiences have just made you more hostile and apprehensive and these appear in your thoughts. You tend to take almost everything around you really seriously, even something as simple as a joke. You tend to think a LOT, even when you’re trying hard to work on something. Don’t worry, this is easily solvable.
Occupy your mind. Fill it with love, for everything and everyone. It sounds impossible, but it isn’t, actually. Make a list of the things you love, the things you are thankful for. Look at that list daily, occupy your mind with those thoughts whenever it wanders. Do only those things which make you happy, even if it’s something as “mundane” as eating your favourite food. If the mind is happy, the body will automatically show the result.
2. Figure out what you want
Life flows, and so do we. We mostly don’t take out time for ourselves in the journey of life and when we do, it’s not to think about ourselves, it’s to occupy ourselves so that we don’t get bored. But it’s necessary to figure out what you want, so that you set your priorities straight.
By this exercise, I don’t mean you should figure out your entire life and its existence. You should rather figure out which emotions you constantly want by your side.
If your answer is happiness – then the simplest solution to that is to take each day as it passes. Don’t think about the future or the consequences of your actions, just live in the present and let the future shape up for you. Wake up every morning and tell yourself that you will have a great life. Look at the people around you and give them only love. If someone is harsh towards you, or says things you don’t like to hear, don’t give them the same treatment back. You will simply attract more negativity to yourself. Rather, practice compassion and let the person who was harsh to you feel your positivity and lead a better life too. Slowly, you will see your anger evaporating too.
3. Stop expecting
Ever shouted at your parents for forgetting to bring something for you from the market? Ever made your partner feel guilty for not doing something for you? Trust me, I have been there and it’s completely normal. We tend to expect certain things from the people close to us, be it friends or family, and it’s absolutely frustrating when they “disappoint” us.
Do a task – take a look at the people around you who are leading an “amazing” life. What are they doing correctly that you aren’t? You will see that they love themselves. They are not selfish – they just expect happiness from themselves, not anyone else.
Your mind is yours – only you can decide whether it can be happy or sad. Expect only the best for your mind and treat all events around you as of little consequence to you. Even if your brother doesn’t show up for your birthday, all is well – you got a cake and your friends wished you. What more can one possibly want?
Be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t. If you see someone travelling, don’t expect the same from your life. Instead, learn to appreciate the one who is travelling and wish them love. You never know, your head might calm down and plan a trip for you soon!
4. Learn to love your own company
Most of us fail to love ourselves in this journey to love others. It’s quite common – we are taught to love and respect our parents and siblings, but no one ever tells us that we should love ourselves too. People with low-confidence are usually the worst-hit – they undermine themselves and always tend to think something is wrong with them.
I know weekends are dreadful especially if your friends are busy. Loneliness is scary for it exposes you to your biggest reality – the fact that you just CAN’T live alone. But, have you ever decided to give yourself some time and see how that pans out? Ever woken up early on a weekend and told yourself – that today is going to be a great day? Ever tried to dabble at a new thing or tried to hone some skills you probably never would have done had you been busy?
Your own company is your biggest treasure. If you read, then you can read motivational books or stuff on meditation. If you don’t like reading, you can always meditate. Try and focus your mind on one thing – see if you can just concentrate on that for an hour. It’s a great exercise – makes time fly. Try and tell yourself before you sit to do something – my concentration won’t waver when I do this. And it doesn’t! I am saying this with confidence because I did this before I wrote this piece!
Once you have done all this – do this again. Take some time off to heal and become a more positive person. A little positivity did no one harm. Once your mind is calm and your soul is positive, no pain or suffering can make you go back on that road of negativity. Always remember to be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t – and you will start to see that your life is actually really amazing! If negative thoughts hit you – always suppress them with good thoughts. Take out that list you made of the things you love and are grateful for. Look at it again and again.
P.S – try and avoid words like bad, annoying, upsetting for some time. Improve your vocabulary to include words like awesome and amazing. For example, “How was your day?” It was absolutely amazing! 🙂