The irony of being a Feminist

I have been associated with many colourful people in my life, but the one’s who completely, totally piss me off (mind my language), are women who have absolutely no direction in life and are completely and totally obsessed with living off their husband’s money and identity.

Is this a new age feminism? I don’t know. Feminism is such a difficult term to define. I have seen women who claim to be feminists, but don’t think twice before abusing another woman. Is this what society has degenerated into?

Feminism is about liberation, not only from the shackles of stereotypification, but liberation from the thinking that women are the ‘inferior’ race. Feminism is not about you and me, its about humanity. What the irony of today’s day and age is that women are misusing the term feminism in every way possible.

There are women who call themselves feminists, and then state that they will change their surname, because their father asked them to. There are women who will call themselves feminists, but rush at the first opportunity of finding a nice, “well settled” guy and settle down – and use his identity for attributing her ‘success’. And there are also women who abuse men at every opportunity, even using her privileges as a woman to file wrong cases of sexual abuse against him and his family. There are women who sit at home doing absolutely nothing and then pressurize their husbands to earn more money to fulfil their ‘wishes’. There are women out there who create so much trouble at home that their husbands have to finally shut up to prevent further fights and finally the woman gets her way, all the time.

And sadly, I have seen such women in my own family, and in outside associations. There is a saying, ‘charity begins at home’, but I believe women are upholding the reins of patriarchy within the family. If they don’t change, nothing will.

I am fortunate to understand this distinction between the right form of feminism and the wrong one, and I completely attribute credit to my mother for enlightening me on this.

I believe women have been wronged – and are still wronged, in every way possible, but in urban households nowadays, women are empowered individuals. They are educated, liberated and free- thinking individuals. And with great power comes great responsibility. If we are enlightened, it is not for promoting “our” interests, it is for making the society a better place to live in. We don’t have to abuse men at every step or abuse their families, we need to learn to compromise and live together with everyone.

Sadly, every compromise is seen as a sacrifice by women nowadays. And I believe education at the grass root level is at blame for it.

A lot of us women are products of mothers who have left their jobs or careers to bring us up. A lot of us are also products of working mothers. But more or less, we have grown up seeing our mothers ‘sacrifice’ something for the family and regretting it later. Every girl wants a better life than her mother, but we need to understand that every man brought up in the world is not brought up to disrespect women or to subjugate them to violence, or to make them sacrifice everything for a career.

Men too have lives, they too have families. And yes, men do have emotions. And women should not play with it. There is always a thin line between compromise and sacrifice and couples can always talk their way through things, instead of fighting. And women don’t need to drag every thing to the court, or blame it on the boy’s family- sometimes, we need to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves. I believe feminism is getting lost in this vortex of confusion and it is extremely disheartening to see how it is being misused in this war against the male race.

I have had days in life when I cursed myself for being a woman. I know that there will come a point in my life when I will want children, and I will have to sacrifice some goals or dreams for those little bundles of joy. But being a woman is being fortunate- you get to be a mother and see your own children grow. No dream can eclipse this feeling. And yes, some amount of compromise is needed in life to become a complete person. We can’t go around blaming the men for it. Nowadays, even men want to help women with bringing up children, even men want to support women in their dreams. As women we get to be mothers – getting unconditional love from children. But it is sad to see some women attributing childbirth as a bane in their career. We need to get over this feeling of being a woman and move on to considering everyone a human.

That’s what feminism is.

I understand that a lot of people might get extremely offended by what I wrote in the earlier paragraphs, but I am just trying to state the cause of feminism. And feminism is not about the assertion of female superiority. Don’t make a man lose his job just because he touched your hand by mistake in office – understand that sexual harassment rules shouldn’t be bent for taking revenge. But yes, any man who touches a woman inappropriately without her permission should not be allowed to walk free. But what is this level of ‘inappropriation’ needs to be defined by women. And it should not be defined as a mere touch of the hand.

Women don’t have to commit the same mistakes men did centuries ago. Instead of asserting ‘female dominance’, women need to understand who they are, and love themselves for it. Don’t try and look for an ‘appropriate husband’, try and make your own identity and then look for a man who can share that identity with you.

Women who don’t study, or receive enlightenment, and then marry and threaten their husbands with Section blah blah blah of the Constitution are simply not feminists. One needs to understand that one is not the only one with a ‘family’ – the man on the other side also has a family and abusing him and making his mother, sister or father suffer isn’t going to lead to a better situation within the family. Yes, if a woman is abused by her mother in law, or sister in law, then definitely one needs to retaliate, but what in those situations where no one does anything and still a fuss is made out of a situation? Mother- in- laws and daughter- in- laws are perpetually considered enemies – can’t there be a happier way to resolve issues, rather than mentally harassing everyone every time?

Feminists don’t misuse freedom, they use it for their betterment and for the betterment of others. Start with the family. Maybe that might change things.

2 thoughts on “The irony of being a Feminist

    1. Thank you Rohit. I believe feminism is a good word, but obscuring the line between being a feminist and being humane is wrong. Women need to be conscious feminists, who need to appreciate the role of men equally in their life and in society.


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