Life

काश एक बार…

तुम्हे खोकर जाना खोना किसे कहते है
पल पल तड़प कर जाना मरना किसे कहते है
गलती की सज़ा ये है की अब तुम साथ नही हो
अब ये भी पता है की तुम किसी और के साथ खुश हो
बस इतना लगता है की काश ज़िंदगी हमारे प्यार को दूसरा मौका दे देती
की मैं अपनी गलतियाँ सुधार सकती
पर गलतियों के पहाड़ को तोड़ना है मुश्किल
ना साथ रहने के चाह को बदलना है मुश्किल
अब खुश होती हूँ ये सोचकर की तुम्हे किसी और की बाहों में पनाह मिला
किसी और के साथ वो मुकम्मल जहाँ मिला
बस यही सोचती हूँ रोज़ की तुम खुश हो की नही
प्रार्थना करती हूँ की खुश तो होंगे ही ज़रूर
अब बस यही लगता है की तुमसे बात न बनी तो किसी और से ना बन पाएगी
प्यार खोकर जाना प्यार कहते किसे है…
काश तुम एक बार मुड़कर मेरी तरफ देखते
काश हम एक बार पुरानी बातें भुला देते
पर अब बस काश ही बोलती रहूंगी
क्यूंकी अब ना नसीब होगी मुझे तुम्हारी मुहब्बत या नफ़रत
अब पता है की तुम्हारे अंदर मेरे लिए कोई भावनायें नही
होंगी भी कैसे, मैं हूँ ही ऐसी बला
जिसे छोड़कर तुम आज खुश हो
बस यही बोलती हू भगवान को रोज़ की मैने गलतियाँ मान ली है
पर पता है अब सुधारने का मौका नही मिलेगा…
रोज़ कोशिश करती हूँ तुम्हे भूलने की ताकि तुम खुश रहो
पर प्यार को भूलना मुश्किल ही नही
नामुमकिन है,
अब बस तुम्हारे उस खत का इंतेज़ार है
जिसमें तुम मुझे अपनी शादी में बुलवाओ
ताकि मैं आकर तुम्हे खुशियों की बधाई दे सकूँ
क्यूंकी तुम्हारी खुशियाँ बस चाहिए अब मुझे
मुझे अपने अंदर के शैतान को किसी और को ना दिखाना
किसी और को दर्द नही देना
ना किसी और के साथ ग़लतियाँ करनी
क्यूंकी तुम्हारे साथ बात नही बनी
तो किसी के साथ नही बनेगी…
तुम्हारे सामने खुश होने का नाटक करूँगी
ताकि तुम मुझे भूल जाओ और खुश रहो
तुम्हे अब ना कॉल ना message करूँगी
मेरी मनहूस शकल से भी तुम्हे घिन आती है, ये पता है
अब तुमसे ना कोई चाह ना गिला
बस अपने आप को रोज़ बोलती हूँ
की काश प्यार को पहले समझा होता
तो शायद आज तुम्हारे बिना जीना नही पड़ता
शायद पहले ये समझा होता की प्यार में कोई समझौता नही होता
तो शायद इस दिन को ना गले लगाना पड़ता…
अब भगवान से बस यही माँगूंगी
की अगले जनम हम साथ हो
मैं तुम्हारे साथ जियुं और तुम्हारे बाद मरूं
क्यूंकी सच कहूँ
तुम्हारे बिना जीना बहुत मुश्किल है…
काश ज़िंदगी ने हमारे प्यार को एक और मौका दिया होता
काश मैने अपने आप को रोका होता
काश ये दिन ना आता
काश मैं जी पाती तुम्हारे बिना
अब बस मरने की देर है
तुम्हारे बिना साँस लेती हूँ पर अपने आप से घिन है
जी तो लूँगी मैं अकेले
क्यूंकी अब बस अगले जनम का इंतेज़ार है
जब हम सच में साथ हो और ये गलतियों का पहाड़ ना हो
इस जनम से अगले जनम में ज़्यादा वक़्त नही
८० साल तो बस समय है, ज़िंदगी नही…

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history · Life in India

Why I Am In Love (And Rightly So), With Humayun’s Tomb

I have always been very clear about my love for Humayun’s tomb. Why a tomb, a place for death, you may ask? When Akbar built the place, he did so to commemorate his father, who died a rather tragic death after falling down the steps of his library. Why then, do I find so much peace and love for the place?

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Opening my eyes to this view.

This Sunday, I decided to sit in front of the tomb, in the lawns, and contemplate my emotions for the red-and-white structure, which has enamoured me ever since I came to Delhi more than seven years ago. Writing an ode to Humayun’s tomb will not be enough.

When I walk around the tomb, I can see the past – the grandeur of the Mughal empire. The red walls, through their coldness, speak to me of the love of a son for his father. Nothing can go wrong here – wherever you look, you can see the blue minaret or the white dome – white, a symbol of such peace and tranquility. If you take a book and sit in the lawns, a lovely wind blows behind your neck, as if soothing you and blending you into the peaceful existence.

Thousands of people visit Humayun’s tomb every day. But, once I am there, all I can hear is the sound of the wind and the birds. All I can see is the tomb, standing in all its grandeur, beckoning me to be calm and think only good things.

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Monuments span beyond time and religion, for they belong to everyone, yet belong to no-one. The Taj Mahal may be a symbol of love for the world, but Humayun’s tomb is a symbol of peace and tranquility. When I play a song in my mind and walk around the monument, I feel a spring in my step, a twinkle in my eye. All my troubles wash away and I can only see the expanse of the red walls in front of me, as if telling me that life is way more beautiful than I can imagine it to be.

Which is why I will always love Humayun’s tomb, and rightly so.

 

Indian Woman's Musings · Life

If you feel you suffer from a mental health issue, then read this

For the last 2 years, I have been an out-and-out supporter of mental health issues. I have been open to talking about my depression and more than eager to embrace happiness. Mental health is sometimes more important than physical health, because what you’re thinking is capable of controlling how you feel physically too. Mental health issues such as anxiety and depression are common terms I have come across in my generation. Many of them are related to our upbringing, and many of them are related to the circumstances we face.

I always looked at myself as a strong person, but certain struggles, which I felt were unnecessary, changed my outlook on life. An existential crisis enveloped me and I started being untrustworthy of people and situations. Over the last two months, I decided to take stock of my life and understand why depression is what it is and how I can get rid of it.

And to be honest, I have realised that it’s extremely easy to get rid of this big black dog which we carry around.

Nowadays, before I kick-start my mornings, the first thing I do is show gratitude. I thank God for giving me another day to live, and I look at myself in the mirror and say – You’re going to have an amazing day. And guess what, the first half passes in utmost happiness!

Another thing I have realised is that honing our concentration also helps get rid of depression. For example, when I feel low or upset about something during the course of the day, I listen to some videos of Abraham Hicks (check her out- she’s amazing). I let her thoughts envelop me, and then I implement them by thinking about the good things of life. In fact, whenever I feel upset about a particular person, I take out a notepad and write down 10 qualities I appreciate about them. It makes the anger vanish instantly.

People who are depressed are wonderful people, for they are capable of showering love on everyone. But, we need to realise that we have to compartmentalise our love.

Only those people who matter to us should be capable of taking our mindspace.

Try a simple exercise which I do nowadays – Whenever you get a ping from someone, check who has sent it. If it’s someone who matters to you, reply instantly. If not, they can wait. This trick has made me single out my happy people and give them space and time. It keeps me surrounded by those who love and adore me, and it’s okay to be selfish sometimes!

Another thing I have learnt to do in these two months is stop seeking validation from everyone. Trying to keep everyone happy is simply a recipe for disaster. You don’t have to keep everyone happy – You just need to love yourself and you will automatically attract people who love and adore you. If you don’t like the company of a particular person, don’t hang out with them. If you’re alone, you can always ping your best friend – they are your ‘best’ friend because they chose to be the closest to you. So cherish their presence and forget all those who don’t matter to you.

As a last thought, all I would like to say is – erase all bad memories from your head. They are part and matter of the past and it’s unnecessary to let those thoughts stay in your head and continue to hurt you. You deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. Start today by closing your eyes and relaxing. Don’t be scared to tell people you are depressed – if someone judges you, they don’t deserve your mind-space because they can never put themselves in your shoes and feel what you have felt. And that’s OK.

You don’t have to run in a rat race, you don’t have to earn insane amounts of money to stay happy – you just need to be at peace with yourself, and you will see that everything is slowly falling into place and that big black dog of depression has left you forever.

history · Opinionated · Uncategorized

History Never Teaches Us The Monstrosity Of War…

Many conflicting emotions have been playing in my head since I saw Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk. For a history student, watching one of the greatest director’s alive make a war movie was nothing short of a spectacular experience. But, something died in me the moment I finished watching the film. And I have been trying to pen it down since then.

History is taught to us as a boring, drab subject in school. In college, one can love the discipline because there are so many ways to interpret the ways of men (and women). But what is never taught to us is how monstrous war is. How it never fetches anyone any happiness, it creates only misery.

The worst invention of humankind is war – for it discriminates between no one when it sets out to destroy.

Those men in Dunkirk – they weren’t out there for patriotism. They just wanted to go home. The larger-than-life pictures which we are fed of celebrating soldiers, their love for the motherland, patriotism – honestly, it’s all just a bunch of lies.

No emotion is greater than one’s love to live and I am glad Nolan made that point loud and clear in Dunkirk.

No one wants to die – especially on the battlefield. It’s a brutal life these people, the youth of the 1940’s lived, so that we can see our future today.

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Realising that I am walking on the dead bodies of so many young people, whose sacrifice made me who I am today, made me feel grateful for my life. And sad. No one deserves war, no one deserves a youth where the biggest concern is finding a way to live before you get bombed. Yet, we still are on the verge of going to war today. We still are ungrateful for what we have, for the sacrifices unwillingly made by so people.

Look at the sky. Imagine seeing a plane and being scared. Imagine the sea gulping you down because humans decided to use it as a weapon against you by building torpedoes. We have misused nature to gain, and unfortunately, we still continue to blame and maim nature. After watching Dunkirk, I don’t get it why selling arms is a ‘lucrative’ trade. Honestly, those arms will one day land in the hands of an unwilling 16-year-old who has to fight a war he/she has no intention of fighting.

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War divides, creates crevices. War kills. I don’t care if Dunkirk wasn’t giving me the sci-fi Kodak feel of Interstellar. Dunkirk is real, it’s brutal and it’s a reality. The Second World War was less a war against the Nazis and the Axis powers, it was more a war against our principles and the sanity of mankind. People were tested in myriad ways and mostly, we failed as a species.

What I learned from the film was that history shouldn’t be taken flimsily. The monstrosity of war should be taught to students, the bad images of war should be flashed in front of them every single day. The hunger, destruction and poverty war brings should be shown to us, so that no one even dreams of war or glorifies it ever again.

I want more directors like Nolan to reflect this side of war in their movies. Pearl Harbor wasn’t an amazing love story, War Machine isn’t a cool movie. War is not fun. Ask those who went through it. Or just look at Syria or the Philippines right now. Death can be avoided for those who want it, but only if we learn from history, unfortunately.

Indian Woman's Musings · Life

You’re Never With The ‘Right’ Person. You Just Become Right For Each Other

Some questions I frequently see my friends ask, are – Am I with the right person? Is he perfect for me? Are we made for each other?

Honestly, while the questions may be perfect, the answers never are. I am no pro at relationships, but from what I have understood about life is – you are never in a “perfect” situation. You just have to think you are. Eventually, you become ‘perfect’ for each other.

We are all on our respective journey of self-discovery, and it takes time to learn things and become sensible. If you have followed my blog previously, you will see that I have gone from depressed to angry, to disillusioned to meditative. That’s part and parcel of being human. And that’s partly the answer to this question about who’s perfect for you – honestly, no one is. No one can insert a square peg into a round hole. Especially when you’re changing as a person every single day.

Relationships
Image source: Huffington Post

As I said before, I am no pro at relationships. But there are some fundamental things I have learnt which I would like to share, so that you can stop asking yourself questions and start living the answers 🙂

  1. Understand your partner

We all are rational and we do every thing with a thought attached to it. No one does anything ‘stupid’, there’s always a reason to it. If your partner ever leaves you, it’s not because he wants to leave you. It’s because he has a reason for it. Try and understand your partner. He/She will eventually understand you. There’s no perfect law for a balanced relationship, but a calm mind which understands before taking action always wins.

Don’t hate your partner, in fact, try and see small signs of love which will calm your mind. Slowly, but steadily, you will learn to appreciate your partner for all their good qualities, understand them better, and in turn, help them understand you.

If you are ever angry at your partner, try and understand their action. Until and unless they are harming you, it’s never a bad idea to understand and let go, isn’t it? Take time off, breathe, think. You will understand your partner better and appreciate them for who they are, instead of chiding them for not being who you want them to be.

2. Let opinions thrive

It’s always a good thing if your partner has opinions. It’s even better when they stand by them. That way, you know you’re dating someone sensible, and not a rock. Have discussions with your partner on their opinions, but don’t fight. Always remember that it’s good that your partner has a thought process. Try to imagine dating someone without one. How would you feel if that partner always said ‘Yes Sir’ or ‘Yes Ma’am’ to everything? Not that exciting, right?

3. Learn to let go

We all make mistakes in a relationship. Multiple mistakes make us feel that the person is not ‘right’ for us. The easiest thing is to let go. It’s also the toughest thing, especially if you feel that your partner has wronged you. But, always retrospect and think – if my partner is that bad, why am I with them? If the answer isn’t something concrete, then let go of the mistakes.

Another mistake we generally tend to make is letting other people and their opinions create dark clouds in the relationship. Learn to completely trust your partner and let go of what others say. This way, the only people in the relationship will be you two, and your habit of letting go will just make the relationship simpler for you.

4. You can face problems if you are together

A common mistake we make in relationships is to think that our partner won’t stand up for us, or won’t take care of us. Don’t place the onus of your happiness completely on someone. Remember, problems will arise but you can only fight them if things between you two are on good terms. Fight with your partner, and you will just fight even more when problems arise – and it will make fighting against problems harder!

5. Always be open to things

While it is necessary to be particular about your choices, always be open to possibilities. If your partner has an idea for something, don’t shut it down because it doesn’t fit with your mindset. Let those ideas and thoughts thrive. You need to always remember that those who genuinely love their partners would always want to see them happy. Then why fight over a small idea? The future is not written – we write it. And you can only write your future with your partner if he/she is happy in your company.

This doesn’t mean the onus to make a relationship work is completely on you. Your partner too needs to realise your worth to make your relationship work. However, if implemented, these thought processes will benefit you, not harm you or make you any weaker. Every one of us out there is looking for a loved one, and it’s nice to make some room for them without standing all by yourself, isn’t it?

P.S – These are not gold standards. These are just things I have learnt from my experience. If you have any other thoughts, please do share. It’s always lovely to have others add to the beauty we have in life and share their learnings! 🙂

Life

Why Love, And Only Love Is The Solution For Endless Happiness

Around a month ago, I was distraught. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I was confused in both my professional and personal life. Giving life mixed signals really didn’t help. Somehow, the love I exuded from myself had disappeared and only a void and anger remained.

So, I decided to retrospect. Where did I go wrong? How did I get here? Can I fix this?

Life is simple and beautiful. But we complicate life with the thought that it is hard. True, there are many social and emotional problems out there, but do we need to think hard about them before they even happen to us? Not really.

A good friend of mine suggested I turn to self-help books. To be honest, I thought they were bullshit for the longest time. But what I have understood from embracing them is that if implemented, you can truly look at life differently.

For example, does it often happen to you that you feel extreme anger towards someone? Have you ever tried giving that person love instead of reciprocating with anger?

Love is the strongest emotion living beings have. Love is the reason we are alive, love is the reason most people live in peace and tandem with each other. But, love is misconstrued by many for being a weak emotion. In fact, if you love something or someone, it doesn’t make you weak – it makes you stronger. However, you need to learn to channelise this love. I am sharing some thoughts with you on channelling your positivity, and I hope this can help you the same way it helped me!

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  1. Occupy your mind

Our mind is a tricky thing. Left alone, it always stirs up some thought or the other. For those whose mind wanders more than it should, negative thoughts are always a constant presence. This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Your experiences have just made you more hostile and apprehensive and these appear in your thoughts. You tend to take almost everything around you really seriously, even something as simple as a joke. You tend to think a LOT, even when you’re trying hard to work on something. Don’t worry, this is easily solvable.

Occupy your mind. Fill it with love, for everything and everyone. It sounds impossible, but it isn’t, actually. Make a list of the things you love, the things you are thankful for. Look at that list daily, occupy your mind with those thoughts whenever it wanders. Do only those things which make you happy, even if it’s something as “mundane” as eating your favourite food. If the mind is happy, the body will automatically show the result.

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       2. Figure out what you want

Life flows, and so do we. We mostly don’t take out time for ourselves in the journey of life and when we do, it’s not to think about ourselves, it’s to occupy ourselves so that we don’t get bored. But it’s necessary to figure out what you want, so that you set your priorities straight.

By this exercise, I don’t mean you should figure out your entire life and its existence. You should rather figure out which emotions you constantly want by your side.

If your answer is happiness – then the simplest solution to that is to take each day as it passes. Don’t think about the future or the consequences of your actions, just live in the present and let the future shape up for you. Wake up every morning and tell yourself that you will have a great life. Look at the people around you and give them only love. If someone is harsh towards you, or says things you don’t like to hear, don’t give them the same treatment back. You will simply attract more negativity to yourself. Rather, practice compassion and let the person who was harsh to you feel your positivity and lead a better life too. Slowly, you will see your anger evaporating too.

Choose-positive

       3. Stop expecting

Ever shouted at your parents for forgetting to bring something for you from the market? Ever made your partner feel guilty for not doing something for you? Trust me, I have been there and it’s completely normal. We tend to expect certain things from the people close to us, be it friends or family, and it’s absolutely frustrating when they “disappoint” us.

Do a task – take a look at the people around you who are leading an “amazing” life. What are they doing correctly that you aren’t? You will see that they love themselves. They are not selfish – they just expect happiness from themselves, not anyone else.

Your mind is yours – only you can decide whether it can be happy or sad. Expect only the best for your mind and treat all events around you as of little consequence to you. Even if your brother doesn’t show up for your birthday, all is well – you got a cake and your friends wished you. What more can one possibly want?

Be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t. If you see someone travelling, don’t expect the same from your life. Instead, learn to appreciate the one who is travelling and wish them love. You never know, your head might calm down and plan a trip for you soon!

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       4. Learn to love your own company

Most of us fail to love ourselves in this journey to love others. It’s quite common – we are taught to love and respect our parents and siblings, but no one ever tells us that we should love ourselves too. People with low-confidence are usually the worst-hit – they undermine themselves and always tend to think something is wrong with them.

I know weekends are dreadful especially if your friends are busy. Loneliness is scary for it exposes you to your biggest reality – the fact that you just CAN’T live alone. But, have you ever decided to give yourself some time and see how that pans out? Ever woken up early on a weekend and told yourself – that today is going to be a great day? Ever tried to dabble at a new thing or tried to hone some skills you probably never would have done had you been busy?

Your own company is your biggest treasure. If you read, then you can read motivational books or stuff on meditation. If you don’t like reading, you can always meditate. Try and focus your mind on one thing – see if you can just concentrate on that for an hour. It’s a great exercise – makes time fly. Try and tell yourself before you sit to do something – my concentration won’t waver when I do this. And it doesn’t! I am saying this with confidence because I did this before I wrote this piece!

Once you have done all this – do this again. Take some time off to heal and become a more positive person. A little positivity did no one harm. Once your mind is calm and your soul is positive, no pain or suffering can make you go back on that road of negativity. Always remember to be thankful for what you have, rather than what you don’t – and you will start to see that your life is actually really amazing! If negative thoughts hit you – always suppress them with good thoughts. Take out that list you made of the things you love and are grateful for. Look at it again and again.

P.S – try and avoid words like bad, annoying, upsetting for some time. Improve your vocabulary to include words like awesome and amazing. For example, “How was your day?” It was absolutely amazing! 🙂

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feminism · Feminist Musings · Indian Woman's Musings · Opinionated · Opinionated

Why A Woman’s Reproductive Right Will Never Be Her Own (And It’s Annoying TBH)

US President Donald Trump’s decision to cut funding for Planned Parenthood has brought out an important topic to the forum, AGAIN – Is a woman’s reproductive right her own? Who owns a woman’s womb? Rather, who should run it?

Motherhood is for sure a beautiful feeling, but for centuries, this debate has been propping up again and again – as to whether a woman has a right to kill the foetus developing inside her. Some countries, with their religious clout, have managed to kill women, who couldn’t be saved because of a pregnancy gone bad.

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Which brings me to a very important question.

Dear men, who owns your dick?

No one, right? We worship it, we are excited when our family is blessed with one. If a man has absolute right over his body, why should a woman be denied a very basic right?

[I am not getting into the debate about women supporting “pro-life” arguments – because the social conditioning is such that some women believe religion can have absolute primacy over their body and their rights.]

Motherhood slows down women, it made them “homemakers” since the time of the stone age because babies began to be born with smaller brains and needed more care. Women were seen as the caretakers, instead of the men, since they took immense pain to give birth to the babies in the first place. All pain, no gain?

Women are told numerous things – giving birth to a baby is a great feeling, you aren’t complete unless you become a mother. Women who can’t give birth are shunned by society, pitied; women who refuse to give birth are considered worse.

Why aren’t young women taught that they are complete even if they don’t give birth? A woman is born complete, her womb is just another organ, what’s the need to always make a hue and cry of it?

Let me bring the stark reality to you, about abortions and about childbirth.

  1. If a woman can decide to take birth, she can decide to not give birth. Even if the foetus has a “potential for life”, its her bloody problem, her womb, not YOUR matter.
  2. Stop making women feel that abortions are a ‘cardinal sin’ – many women don’t give birth because they don’t want to deprive a child a life where the mother won’t be able to give much time to the child as much as she wants to. And sometimes, the man doesn’t want to take responsibility for the kid either.
  3. A maternity leave is costly for an ambitious woman – as much as a mother loves her child, many times she can’t even her suckle her child as she has to head to work, or loses out on projects and promotions because she decided to give birth

As a child, I always considered women incredible. A woman juggles the responsibility of work and home, loves her job and child equally. But the society expects her to always smile through all her problems, take care of the child all by herself and at a convenient time, leave her job – because if she has a husband to pay the bills, why should she work?

I am scared for those thousands of young women across the world who are regular victims of moral policing on basic things such as their reproductive right.

It’s time this goddam discussion stops propping up. And those idiots with a stick up their arses need to understand that someone’s bedroom business isn’t theirs to pick.